Perfect Parenting?
I was determined to be the perfect parent! I saw the mistakes my parents had made – I was sure I was going to be different. Now, with our sons 32, 31 and 26 years, and Grandparents to 4 gorgeous little ones, we see parenting so differently!
As young parents, there is such a struggle to bring balance: setting up a home, finances (or lack of them), training your children in obedience, education, . . . a life full of busyness, often responding to the urgent above the important . . . afterschool dance and swimming lessons, rugby/soccor practise, and juggling demanding work schedules. (The list seems endless!)
FIRST TIME AROUND:
We discovered right away that our children didn’t come with an instruction manual that answered our many questions! Sleeping? Feeding? Raising them? Each child was different and had a unique personality and needs, responding individually to discipline and different love languages (i.e. gifts, quality time, acts of service, touch and words of encouragement). We devoured the ‘How to Raise Children’ books, as we looked for answers to their different stages in life. And we prayed, asking God for much wisdom to raise our 3 sons. Thankfully, while our sons were still little, we noticed we had some amazing families around us in our church family that had grown up young adults, as wonderful caring respectful examples, that loved being together. So we asked their secrets.
Building quality family time together was paramount to these families – and we adopted this into our family values. We took regular family holidays; had family hobbies that we all regularly did together; took time at meal times to talk, and share together; read novels out loud on the couch huddled under a blanket; family evenings of fun (board games etc); enjoyed family movie times (that we still quote lines from today!); and enjoyed volunteer service together when the children were teenagers.
Were we perfect parents? Definitely not! I realised that there was no such thing. A perfect parent would require a perfect adult – and we know that our selfishness, inadequacies, and lack of full understanding make that impossible. Yes, we think we did a great job. Because of the relationships we built over the years, we are able to talk and laugh with our adult children about some of our mistakes, and why/how we would do things differently if we had the opportunity again. Our hope is to invest into their parenting and the next generation – our legacy.
SECOND TIME AROUND:
Our eyes are now opened to what is really important as a parent. Now there is nothing more important than curling up with a book with our amazing grandchildren; playing hide and seek; telling them make-up stories; hunting for frogs; singing songs together; making a play dough pizza; walking hand and hand down the path to see something special at the end, or looking into their eyes and seeing their hearts. Now, the important wins over the urgent!
The second time around I understand that parenting is really all about building relationships with these beautiful treasures we have been given for a short time here in our lifetime. We will continue to invest time into our adult children, and our grandchildren. It is never too late to invest in the important things in life – RELATIONSHIPS.
