Who is Driving Your Car?

Ian Grant, (NZ relationship expert), has been quoted to say “Marry the person you love and two years later you love the person you marry”.

Have you wondered why this is?  Isn’t love an emotion/passion that burns within, or does it simply burn out!? Or like the large portion ending in divorce – simply crash!

Love is a mixture of things.  Yes, love is a feeling, emotion or passion – changing like the seasons. Created and destroyed – people everywhere seemingly ‘falling in and out of love’. But love is also a verb, (an action) – something we do –  as in a loving act.   And most importantly, when the feelings are in the negative – love is a choice! So let us ponder that further.

We live with our feelings/emotions, but should we be led by them? Feelings are important indicators of what is going on inside us, but if we allow them to be the drivers in our marriage (car), then we will be in for a crash.  They make great passengers in a car, and only that, because they are not reliable. So the question is today – who is driving your car?

There will be times in our marriage when it is easy to ‘feel’ love towards our spouse, and then other times when we will need to ‘do’ the loving until the feeling comes.  There have been times over the 34 years of marriage when sulking, I have told my husband with a grumpy smile, “I don’t like you at this moment, but I do love you!” Maybe some of you can relate to that feeling.  But even in those immature moments, I was declaring that my moody negative feelings were only temporary and would not rule – (I just needed time out to recollect myself) – but I choose us, to love, no matter how grumpy I feel at any point in time.  In the Bible, Colossians 3:14 instructs us to “put on love”, to choose loving behaviour, especially in those times when you least ‘feel’ like it.  When conflicts arise, stressful situations loom, or tragedy descends, we can put on a love and not not let our feelings and emotions veer us off the road to crash.

There are many examples of what ‘putting on love’ looks like, however in this passage, we are instructed to have compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience and forgiveness towards each other.  If only couples would choose to ‘be loving’, ‘act loving’, ‘do loving’ – then they would not be heading for the disaster that is waiting for them down the road.  Inappropriate behaviour towards each other, destroys those feelings of romantic love. Thoughtless acts, negative words, lack of quality time together, little sexual intimacy, broken promises and trust, dishonouring behaviour, no safe boundaries in dealing with conflict. . . all killers!!

Be committed to learning to love each other well, choosing to be loving, and not letting your feelings take you for a ride!  Who is driving your Car?