Family Fun – Day 4

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Family Inspiration –  “The Turnaround”.

Suggestion: Have a ‘family fun hour’ each day where you are intentional about growing your family connection and values.

Research shows: Strong families demonstrate appreciation and affection for each other. Check out earlier posts
https://www.facebook.com/excelmarriages/posts/3611311745607415
https://www.facebook.com/excelmarriages/posts/3613499812055275
https://www.facebook.com/excelmarriages/posts/3617239448347978

Today: “The Turnaround” Family Challenge

The whole family stands on a large mat. The challenge is to try and turn the mat over without touching the floor while everyone is still on the mat! Easy? Or is it!? (Remember to do this as a team, and to use positive words of encouragement)

Once you have managed it, try to do the same with a smaller mat!

Materials:

2 mats
Optional: picnic set – drink and snack as a reward on completion of the challenge!

On completing the assignment:

– Celebrate successes.
– Compliment each other on each person’s contributions to the success of the whole family.

Questions to ask yourselves:

How did we do as a team? (e.g. Had a good time? Bad communication? Grumpy with each other? Encouraging words spoken to each other? Felt ideas were listened to?)
How do we honour successes in our family?
How could we celebrate better?
Ask each family member what would make them feel special when they have achieved success? (e.g. praise, a certificate, a gift, quality time together, acknowledgement, pat on the back . . . )

If you are enjoying these posts – please LIKE or FOLLOW us so you can see future posts. Also SHARE to help other families use their time during COVID 19!! Thank you

Family Fun – Day 3

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Family Game – Teamwork & Encouragement

Family help? VIRUS ALLERT!! 28 Days of Quarantine! Let us help you turn this time into a positive time.

Research shows there are 6 fundamental characteristics of a strong family:
1. Strong families demonstrate appreciation and affection for each other.

We hope you are enjoying using your ‘family appreciation bucket’, and had fun with a shared family experience of ‘crossing the river’ together avoiding the crocodiles. Check those earlier posts below:

Day 1 –
https://www.facebook.com/excelmarriages/posts/3611311745607415
Day 2 –
https://www.facebook.com/excelmarriages/posts/3613499812055275

Your next family fun challenge is to ‘Rescue the Eggs’ together!

Rescue the Eggs!

Time for breakfast/lunch – the table has been set. Oh no! the eggs are missing! Your task as a family team is to transport the eggs on the plate through the obstacle course. Each family member holds one string. You must not touch the plate with your hands. Agree together beforehand what you will do if you lose any eggs: start again from the beginning or continue with the remaining eggs? (N.B. for small children – If you always start again, you’ll never finish!)

When you complete the activity, make each other compliments about the important contribution that each person made.

Materials

Lengths of string/wool, eggs, simple obstacle course, paper plate, staplers or masking tape (and maybe meal table set with plates and cups etc.)

Preparation

Attach six 1-metre lengths of string to the paper plate. (If you don’t have a paper plate, an old plate can work. Attach the string to a ring instead of the plate and balance the plate on ring. See photo)
Optional idea: children decorating 3-4 eggs with felt pens or paints.
Create a simple obstacle course out of whatever you have available (chairs, bags . . . ) You could mark the course with string or similar if you desire. Don’t make the obstacle course too hard for small children, but include obstacles for them to climb over or crawl under.
You could have some extra variation to make it harder for families with older children.

Tips for adults

If there are not six in the family, some older members can hold 2 strings.
If the course is too difficult or too easy the first time thru, make appropriate changes.
Make sure no-one walks around obstacles!
Encourage everyone to pay attention to each other and work together.

Questions for reflection at end

Were we attentive to each other? (thinking about and listening to)
How did we help/encourage one other?
What do you think: after completing the activity, whose encouragement bucket is full up/half full/nearly empty? And why?
How could/should you do it differently another time?

What you do next with the eggs depends on what condition they are now in – but if the eggs are still intact, cooking up omelettes, scrambled eggs or adding the eggs to make your favourite pancakes, may be a wonderful way to finish the family fun time together.

Sit together around the table while eating, and discuss together in what ways you could encourage each other more? (. . . and ask the above question if you have not already discussed them.) Make sure everyone gets a chance to speak, share their thoughts, and be listened to.

If you are enjoying these posts – please LIKE or FOLLOW us so you can see future posts. Also SHARE to help other families use their time during COVID 19!! We will be back with more family inspirations!!

Family Fun – Day 2

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Family Game – Communication & Trust

COVID 19 and the 28 days isolation brings a new stress on families. Lets try and turn this situation forced upon us into a positive time and draw out the strengths inside your family.
Suggestion: have a ‘family fun hour’ each day where you are intentional about growing your family connection and values.

Yesterday: Strong families demonstrate appreciation and affection for each other.
Check it out below if you missed that post
https://www.facebook.com/excelmarriages/posts/3611311745607415

. . . now for today’s fun!

Today’s fun activity for the whole family: Crossing the River!

You’re on an expedition in the jungle and come to a raging river with hungry crocodiles. You have to cross this river together without being eaten. You have one stepping stone for each family member.

Overall concept:

To have fun as a family and to try something new. Plus most importantly, that you are all involved together in a family-building activity in which you practice principles of communication, trust, commitment etc.

You can have as many attempts as you need to have a successful crossing, as few families can do this the first time! If an attempt fails, don’t get discouraged, but discuss together other options of how to do this successfully. The goal and challenge here is to have fun finding your own family solution, and to work together as a team!! (include the youngest family member in the discussions if at all possible. . . you may be surprised at their ideas!!)

There are 2 rules:

1. If a stepping stone is no longer being touched by a person, even for a fraction of a second, it floats away and you’ve lost it!! (Really! You lose the stone even if you aren’t in contact with it for just half a second!!)
2. A person can only step to safety on the other river bank once the last family member has left the first bank.

Fill each other’s buckets!! Make an effort to encourage and praise each other as you cross the river – and be careful not to criticise each other, for example if a stepping stone is lost.

Materials

Old cardboard for 8 stepping stones (e.g. from boxes, or newspaper or material), scissors, masking tape, and if possible, crocodiles (painted cardboard).

Preparation

Use the masking tape to indicate the banks of the river; they should be about 5-6m apart.
Since you have lots of time being in isolation, have fun making crocodiles together and placing them in the river.
Cut the cardboard to look a bit like stones (about A4 paper size). The stepping stones are placed on the river bank so that each person can take one as you cross the river together.

Tips for parents

– Make sure rule 1 is strictly observed!!
– If a family loses too many stones, start again to avoid frustration.
– If a family is hesitant about making each other compliments, then show them how (“fabulous, you did that really well”, “Good solution!”; “You worked together really well just then!” “That is a really interesting idea!”)

Question for reflection at end

– Did we work together well as a (family) team?
– Was each person able to contribute their ideas?
– Did you “fill each others’s buckets” during the activity with kindness?
– Which of us cheered on and encouraged the others the most?

Well done team! Tomorrow we will have another fun activity for your family fun time!! cya then.

Until then – be kind to each other!

Family Fun – Day 1

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Family Activity – Appreciation & Affection

International Strengths-Based Family Research has shown that there are 6 fundamental characteristics of strong families. Here’s the first one – follow us for more!

1. Strong families show appreciation and affection to each other:
People in strong families care deeply for each other, let each other know this on a regular basis, and are not afraid to express their love. This looks like : caring fore each other, friendship, respect for individuality, playfulness and humour.

Questions to discuss as a family:
How do you show appreciation to each other? Do you have any family rituals?
How does it affect each of you when you hear encouraging words from each other? What difference does it make to your life as a family?

Craft idea: Make a ‘family appreciation bucket’ together either out of paper of decorative supplies. (Pinterest or
https://www.bucketfillers101.com/pdfs/PaperBucket.pdf)

Using your family bucket: put your bucket somewhere you hang out as a family. In day to day life, anyone can write spontaneous little notes of praise, affirmation, thanks, encouragement, appreciation etc for an individual family member. Or have a special (weekly?) family session where everyone can say something about each other, which you write on a slip of paper and clip onto into the bucket. When you attach new notes, collect the old ones somewhere to read at a later date. By developing a habit of cherishing each other, your invisible appreciation buckets in your life will stay filled.

Think of a positive characteristic skill that you want to affirm.
“What I really like about you:….”
“You are really good at:….”
“I think you’re really special because:….”

Avoid physical characteristics like “beautiful curly hair” etc as they are not something the person can do anything about anyway.

Tomorrow we will have a family game that will encourage positive interaction between family members!

If you are enjoying these posts – please LIKE or FOLLOW us so you can see future posts. Also SHARE to help other families use their time during COVID 19!! Thank youFamily Fun

3 sections to a healthy family – ‘The House of Oneness’

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Foundations: What is the ‘core value’ that your family is built upon?

4 Pillars that act as a frame work in a healthy family: Trust; Understanding; Respect and Love.

6 Characteristics that protect the family unit: Commitment; Time Together; Positive Communication; Expressing Appreciation; Spiritual Commitment; Conflict Resolution.

HOUSE OF ONENESS:

The concept, pictured above, is called the ‘House of Oneness’ and was developed by Larry Ballard, whom we had the privilege of hearing in person just recently. 

The husband and wife become the architects of their family – deciding the quality of the structure and design, through their values and beliefs they bring into the marriage. This is a huge responsibility for the parents, who often aren’t even aware of the legacy they are building and will leave behind. The choices parents make determines the outcome of the family! 

This smallest social unit, the family, holds the DNA of belonging, unconditional love and acceptance, and if this is not felt in the family due to it being a dysfunctional family in some way, the children will look for those emotional and physical needs to be met in other ways: gangs, drugs, relationships, addictive behaviours . . . 

FOUNDATIONS: A critical part of any building is the foundation! This picture shows ‘Christ’ as the foundation of this family unit. For your family you may have a different core value that is the centre of your life. The question is – is what you have chosen to be the foundation for your family as solid as a rock? Does it bring unity and harmony to your family? Or are your foundations crumbling like sand around you? These are vital questions for you to consider, as statistics say 50% of families end up falling apart. 

The foundations of a building can be strengthened and even changed, and this is also true with families. If you desire to have Christ as your firm foundation – what changes would you need to bring into your lives? We encourage you to make these changes while your children are young – as the repair work is easier. If you leave it too long, the repairs can be done, but the cost and effort is greater! For help, contact us or seek advice from people you trust! You are the Architects! 

 

 

3 sections to a healthy family – ‘The House of Oneness’ (Part 2)

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Foundations: What is the ‘core value’ that your family is built upon? 

4 Pillars that act as a frame work in healthy families: Trust; Understanding; Respect and Love are the keys for unity in a healthy family. 

6 Characteristics that protect the family unit: Commitment; Time Together; Positive Communication; Expressing Appreciation; Spiritual Commitment; Conflict Resolution. 

HOUSE OF ONENESS:

The husband and wife become the architects of their family – deciding the quality of the structure and design, through their values and beliefs they bring into the marriage. The choices parents make determine the outcome of the family! Let’s look at the 4 pillars that act as the frame work for a healthy family. 

LOVE: “Love is patient, love is kind, it is not boastful, deceitful or proud. It does not hold a list of wrongs or demand its own way”. Love is not just a romantic feeling! A love that will last the years ahead, includes a choice, and is seen in our actions to each other. If you choose to love with your actions as well as your heart, this pillar in your family will be the most enduring and committed to the end! 

RESPECT: This can easily be the most neglected pillar in our family. ‘Familiarity breeds contempt’! Seeing your spouse and your children as valuable, priceless gift that need to be cared for and cherished is vital – their feelings, opinions, time and needs are of extreme value and importance. This is so easily neglected as you live each day together. 

UNDERSTANDING: Each one of us is unique and designed with different personalities, love languages and emotional needs. The family unit is designed to teach us to balance our individuality and bonding relationships to each other; a place we feel secure to be our real selves with unconditional acceptance; a journey of learning and growing. This pillar takes the longest to develop and needs communication from the heart! 

TRUST: This pillar creates the environment for Intimacy and is a very fragile pillar. Trust thrives on honesty, being dependable, faithful and open. If trust is broken, wounded people do not easily trust again. It will need to be re-earned with time. Take care! 

Evaluate your strongest and weakest pillars and make steps to strengthen any weak areas. If one pillar is damaged or missing, you won’t experience unity in your family! 

 

3 sections to a healthy family – ‘The House of Oneness’ (Part 3)

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Foundations: What is the ‘core value’ that your family is built upon? 

4 Pillars that act as frame work in a healthy family: Trust; Understanding; Respect and Love are the keys for unity in a healthy family. 

6 Characteristics that protect the family unit: Commitment; Time Together; Positive Communication; Expressing Appreciation; Spiritual Commitment; Conflict Resolution. 

HOUSE OF ONENESS 

The husband and wife become the architects of their family – deciding the quality of the structure and design, through their values and beliefs they bring into the marriage. The choices parents make determine the outcome of the family! Let’s look at the 6 characteristics that protect your family: 

COMMITMENT TO FAMILY: No one can be successful at anything without commitment! What are you committed to? Living beyond something other than yourselves; wellbeing of others in the family; money; personal happiness; position? Where are your priorities? 

SPENDING TIME TOGETHER: Healthy families celebrate together, solve problems together, enjoy meals together and purposefully invest time in family. Like oxygen is life to the body, so is time to the family. It is the most valuable gift we can give each other. 

Three vital commitments a healthy family needs: a regular family time; a regular couple time away from the children; and individual time with each child. 

EXPRESSING APPRECIATION: Healthy families create a culture where they learn to see each other with ‘positive’ glasses – focusing on the good in each other and not the faults that they see. This takes practise and intentionality e.g. choose to identify one person in the family (taking turns) by having a special coloured plate at dinner time for them, then everyone saying something they appreciate about that person during the meal; having a wall, door or space in the house where positive things are written up weekly to praise appreciation or even thank each other. 

POSITIVE COMMUNICATION: We start off as couples with positive communication – and over time, our communication can become destructive or negative if we are not careful. Couples (and families as a unit) need good tools to handle conflicts that will arise in their relationships. e.g. having good boundaries for safe conflict, and using time out signals. 

CONFLICT RESOLUTION: This is not a fantasy – all families need to learn how to overcome crisis and conflict which is inevitable in life! Healthy families learn how to keep short accounts with each other, settle matters quickly and walk in humility and forgiveness. 

SPIRITUAL COMMITMENT: If Christ is the foundation of your family unit, then this will be the obvious covering for your family. Our selfless living – a heart to live out the reality of God’s love, grace, mercy, peace and joy in our families. The family is the most important yet hardest place to reflect God! We can wear no masks with the people that know us the most. This is where real discipleship takes place. Loving and teaching our children about God – our actions speaking louder than words!! They will know you are my disciples when you have love one for another! 

The parent’s choices determine the outcome of the family. They are the Architects! 

Build a house of oneness and unity as you grow to be a healthy family today! 

Strong Families

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6 CHARACTERISTICS OF STRONG FAMILIES
Have you ever wondered what makes a family strong? Have you looked at some families that seem to have it all together, there seems to be unity; they’re not arguing all the time; and they enjoy being together?
When we had young children, we used to watch other families and see what was working for them. When we saw a family that really stood out as healthy and strong, we would ask the parents what their secret to success was – what had worked for them. Then we would try and apply it to our family situation if at all possible. This was very successful for us, though we wish we knew more!
There have been many surveys completed on the breakdown of the family unit. But recently it has come to our attention of a positive evaluation done on the family. Since 1974, around 24,000 family members from 35 nations have been interviewed in more than 60 studies. Regardless of culture, social class or composition of the families, 6 characteristics have been identified as to what makes a strong family. This is exciting to us, and this is the findings:

1. Strong families demonstrate appreciation and affection for each other.
2. Strong families trust each other and can depend on one another.
3. Strong families practice positive communication.
4. Strong families spend enjoyable, quality time together.
5. Strong families are united by a shared faith or shared values.
6. Strong families are able to manage stress and crisis effectively.

These 6 characteristics may seem pretty obvious and simple to some – and to others an impossible feat! Sadly, many adults have not had the examples, experience or skills to put these 6 characteristics into practise in a family. Healthy families need to encourage other ‘not so healthy’ families onward. More educational and empowering programmes need to be available for families. We want to be part of the solution. Do you?

HELP!

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I was reading an article the other day about why couples leave it so long to seek help for their relationships.  This got me thinking too.  Is it really because of the feeling of shame, or failure that stop couples seeking help earlier?  Five, ten, twenty, thirty plus years some couples wait – not doing anything about it . . .  until they are so desperate they are at the ‘break up’ stage . . . falsely believing they have married the wrong person!

 

In no area of life do we think we can be experts without some teaching and training to become proficient – except for marriage! We have been tricked!  It is not failure to be taught new skills, to seek guidance or instruction.  The only failure is the failure to take action when something is wrong and you need help. Why wait until the issues we are struggling with have become so entrenched and have snowballed to be so enormous? Most often we find there are simple communication tools that can help unlock intimacy and heal pain.

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‘Peaches and Cream’ – I feel robbed!!!!

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You got to love this simple dessert – Peaches and Cream! It is a heavenly combination.

I am reminded of this every time I spot the bold ‘Peaches and Cream’ signage here in Auckland city – oh but wait – that’s right – it isn’t a beautiful dessert shop – it is an adult sex shop!!  And I find myself so annoyed that something so beautiful and delicious has been stolen of its innocence.  I feel robbed!! It makes me want to open a decadent dessert shop right beside them and naming it ‘The Real Peaches and Cream Delights”.  Have you ever felt like that?  Annoyed that innocence is robbed?

The more we work with couples, the more we see how much is getting robbed from marriages, and yes, even in this whole area of sex.  We are surrounded by sexual perversion on movies, lyrics of songs, literature we read, images we are exposed to at a click/swipe of the finger – it is all there robbing us of the innocence and beauty of what God designed as “good”.   Couples can be struggling sexually within their marriages and feel helpless to know what to do about it.  We may not understand all the reasons why, but we do see that couples are getting robbed of the understanding of why they have this unique bonding that God designed for them.  Sexless marriages are now becoming a common thing, (defined as having sex less than 10 times a year.) What has happened?

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